


Hold Each Other

by FagurFiskur



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 11, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 21:25:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5841517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FagurFiskur/pseuds/FagurFiskur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the final battle between Lucifer and the Darkness, Dean and Cas finally talk without actually talking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> for the record i absolutely believe that cas will be the one to defeat the darkness, but for this i just wanted to focus on the aftermath so i went the simplest route
> 
> title from hold each other by a great big world ft. futuristic

It’s almost morning by the time they crawl back to the bunker. Dean is just about ready to pass out but at the same time, there’s a frantic buzz underneath his skin that makes him feel like he’ll never get to sleep. 

Sam doesn’t seem to have that problem, his head lolling against the window as he snores softly. In the backseat, Cas has his head turned so that Dean can’t see his face in the mirror, but he has a distinct feeling that he’s still awake.

None of them have spoken a word since they got in the car. It still hasn’t sunk in for Dean that the Darkness and Lucifer are both gone, the cold dread in his stomach stubbornly lingering. But, he admits silently to himself, that might not have anything to do with either one of them.

Dean can’t get the image of Cas collapsing to his knees as the Darkness drew Lucifer from him out of his head. For one terrifying moment, he was sure that she’d gotten Cas too. He ran to him, catching him just as he tumbled to the ground. He barely even noticed Amara and Lucifer grappling a few feet away from them, light collapsing into dark, assuring mutual destruction.

Cas was alive, but you couldn’t tell that just from looking in his face. His eyes were flat, expression slack. He didn’t look up until Dean cupped his face.

“I’m alive,” he said.

Dean couldn’t tell whether he was relieved or not. But then his expression crumbled into devastation, and Dean couldn’t do anything but pull him into his arms, muttering a litany of apologies into Cas’ hair. 

Pulling into the bunker’s garage, Dean tries to banish that memory. He turns the engine off, causing Sam to startle. 

“Wake up, Sammy,” Dean says. “I’m not carrying you to bed.”

Sam grumbles something unflattering under his breath, rubbing his eyes. He blinks owlishly, then turns around to face Cas in the backseat. “You okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” Cas replies. 

It’s not very convincing. Sam turns to Dean, who nods curtly. Sam is worried about Cas too, of course, but somehow it feels natural that Dean should be the one to take care of him. 

They all get out of the car, shuffling tiredly into the bunker. Once they get to the war room, Sam turns to them both. Unexpectedly, he pulls Dean into a crushing hug. Dean barely has time to react before he lets go, walking up to Cas and giving him the same treatment. Cas’ eyes widen and he raises one hand hesitatingly, laying it on the middle of Sam’s back.

Sam says something to Cas, too quiet for Dean to hear, and they pull apart. Cas nods a little, eyes shining, as Sam pats his shoulder and leaves the room.

Then it’s just the two of them. Dean shifts on his feet. He’s got a million questions to ask Cas - why did he say yes to Lucifer? Didn’t he realize that he could die? Was he expecting to? - but right now, only one of them matters.

“What do you need?”

Cas looks surprised. He was probably expecting to be chewed out, Dean realizes with sinking dread. The terrible thing is, he’s got plenty of reason to think that.

“I don’t need anything,” he says after a short silence.

Dean represses the urge to sigh. He needs to be careful with Cas right now. It feels as if they’re teetering on the edge of something, and a push in the wrong direction could send Cas out of his reach forever. 

It’s unsettling. He’s never thought of Cas as being fragile. Maybe that was his mistake.

“What do you want?” he tries instead.

“I don’t-” Cas’ voice wavers, and he cuts himself off. He glances away. “I don’t want to be alone,” he admits quietly.

Dean swallows, past the lump that’s formed in his throat. “Okay,” he says. “I, uh, I kinda need to sleep.” Cas’ shoulder slump, and Dean hurriedly continues, “So, if you don’t mind bunking with me for a couple of hours...”

He trails off as Cas’ head snaps up. He looks so shocked, some hysteric part of Dean’s mind wants to laugh. Just as he’s beginning to wonder if he made some terrible mistake, Cas nods silently.

Not really trusting himself to speak, Dean steps forward and grabs Cas’ hand. His cheeks burn and he doesn’t dare look at Cas’ face, but after a moment Cas’ fingers tighten around his. He lets Dean lead him down the corridor, into his bedroom.

Dean lets go of Cas and shuts the door behind them. Silence settles over them, but it’s strangely comforting. Dean reaches for Cas’ tie and starts undoing it. Cas just stands still and lets him, and when Dean risks a glance at his face he’s wearing a confused expression. It’s miles better than the devastation or emptiness from before, so he counts it as a positive.

After he’s removed the tie, he takes a step back and clears his throat. “You should probably take off your shoes, too.”

Cas nods and starts toeing out of his shoes. Dean sits down on the edge of his bed and follows suit. He hesitates after removing them, but this is about as naked as he’s comfortable with getting right now, so he pulls the covers aside and scoots backwards, lying down while leaving one side of the bed empty.

At first, Cas just stands there looking at him, as if awaiting further instruction.

“C’mere,” Dean finally says, patting the other pillow.

Hesitantly, Cas obeys, crawling underneath the covers next to Dean. He doesn’t get too close, keeping a few inches between them, but when Dean bends his knees just enough so that it knocks gently against Cas’ he doesn’t flinch away. 

“This is strange,” he says after a long, loaded silence.

Dean huffs out a small laugh - the first genuine one in what feels like weeks. “We just watched the devil duke it out with God’s sister.”

“I meant by our standards.”

“...Yeah.” 

Dean licks his lips. There’s a strange, empty ache underneath his rib cage. He still can’t shake the fear from before, just how close he came to losing Cas. He wants to tell Cas... _everything_ , but mostly how glad he is that he’s still alive and here, with him.

But he can’t. Doesn’t know the right words to say, and even if he did he’d probably say them wrong. It just seems easier to skip the talking and close the small gap between them instead. He touches his lips to Cas’, so soft it barely counts as a kiss, and is drawing back when Cas’ hand comes up to cup his cheek and pull him back in.

It’s overwhelming, being this close to Cas, having finally taken that leap after such a long time of just thinking about it. It almost doesn’t feel real but at the same time, Cas warm and solid against him is the only thing Dean is aware of. His heart beats wildly, so full it _hurts_ , making the breath catch in Dean’s throat and his eyes burn with unshed tears.

Their second kiss doesn’t last long, not nearly as long as it feels. Cas pulls away but he doesn’t go far, resting his forehead against Dean’s and sighing softly.

They’re gonna have to talk tomorrow, Dean knows. But for now he contents himself with resting his hand on Cas’ waist and burrowing even closer, just basking in the fact that they’re both alive and more or less whole, despite all odds. 


End file.
